COUPLES THERAPY

You’ve been on great vacations together. Faced the ups and down together. Losing jobs, promotions; new cities, new friends, new paths. Making discoveries you never imagined.

 

You’ve loved. Lived. Fought. Loved again. Lived some more. Fought some more. Loved again, more.

 

Yet somehow, here you are, asking (or at least considering…) this question: Is my relationship worth saving?

 

Being in a partnership, marriage, or relationship, you will have felt that it offers both some of the most deeply rewarding experiences and some the most challenging ones.

For reasons you are able to name (or may not be able to find words for) you may find yourself thinking...

  • Your relationship never felt quite “right” from the start;

  • Your relationship went through a tough challenge and doesn’t feel the same anymore;

  • You changed, or your partner changed, and it’s no one’s fault, but now you’re moving in different directions;

  • You or your partner have met someone new;

  • Time and growth has made you aware that you want a different life from the one you’ve been living.

 

What do you do when you face these questions: Is my partnership worth investing in? Is my marriage worth saving? Do I want to stay?

There is nothing wrong with questioning the future of your relationship. But how you use these doubts to help you understand what you are needing more of, and find ways to strengthen yourself and your relationship can make all the difference.

Questions and doubts can offer the impetus to deepen into your marriage and commitment with each other, and to deepen into your relationship and commitment to yourself. Questions can invite you both to explore your relationship’s contours.

We are here, and ready to roll up our sleeves with you and figure out what happens now.

Who do we work with?

We welcome, and work with clients of all ages, gender identities, sexual orientations, and other affiliations. 

It might be time for you to re-consider couples therapy.

 

If you have been debating couples therapy for a while and don’t yet feel ready to jump in, you are not alone. According to marriage and relationship expert, Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute, couples, on average, wait six years of being dissatisfied in a relationship before getting help. We don’t want you to suffer this long before taking steps to rediscover satisfaction in your partnership.

 

We want to help you feel empowered and invigorated in your relationship now. We see couples therapy as a sign of health in a relationship, not illness. A strong partnership, like any component of your overall wellness, requires methods of early detection and preventive care. 

 

Our goal is to focus on your strengths as individuals and together as a couple, and to support you in proactively keeping your relationship strong.

 

Lets work together to get you more connected to your romantic partner and invigorated by your relationship, regardless of what stage of commitment you are both in. Whether you are dating, in the process of getting engaged or married, are pregnant, or just had a baby. We will work with you together to deepen your mutual sense of satisfaction, connection, support, and passion.

Oasis' approach to couples therapy

 

Our first priority in working with a couple is to meet you where you are.

 

Different couples come in to work on different issues. We want our time together to be useful and meaningful to you, and not just help you with the issue that is at the forefront, but rather, give you tools and vocabulary to use down the road.

 

We are interested in helping you two get on the same team. Often, by the time couples see us, there is hurt feeling and a good deal of finger pointing. Our job is to help you recognize that you two are one unit, and the problem is external to that unit. We want to jump in there with you to identify what is and is not working in your relationship, and to focus on blaming less and connecting more.

 

You, as a couple, are the client. We don’t take sides. Instead, we are on the side of you as a couple--we want to see your partnership invigorated and thriving.

We take a dual-layered approach: 

 

Skills. This portion of the work is practical and tangible. We work on skills of non-violent communication, problem-solving, connection building, and follow through. We might spend a little time or a lot of time in this area, depending on your unique needs as a couple. This portion of our work together will involve making lists and plans, and often some homework to take with you into your week to practice before our next session.

 

Styles of relating.  All our expert therapists are trained in Gottman Method of couples counseling, and through that system's data-driven approach, we will help you disentangle your old styles of relating from what is going in in your present partnership. 

 

When toxic dynamics are at play, we get in too deep and lose our perspective and ability to notice them. We want to help you both get on the same page in recognizing how old dynamics might not be best serving you as a couple.

 

Once we establish the relationship patterns that are keeping you stuck, we will work together to understand why it is happening, and how to create new, more positive and productive methods of relating that is focused on generosity and understanding.

 

In the words of John Gottman, “Every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay.” So in that spirit, lets get your relationship safe and supportive so that it can also be sexy and strong.